Ins and outs.

Even considering Psycho’s great end of season run in, a new manager’s first foray into the transfer market can say a lot about how your club is going to fair in the coming season. First let’s look who he got rid of:

Steve McManaman – I was ecstatic to see the back of this useless cunt, when his doctor signed him off sick and he actually pulled on the sacred shirt, he played like he couldn’t give a toss. He was never a City player; we were just a twilight years pay day for the scouse twat.

Paul Bosvelt – I know he was past his best when he arrived at Eastlands, but I liked him. Of course, there was the infamous tackle against Denis Irwin a few years back, which endeared him to most blues before he even kicked a ball, but for me he gave our midfield some much needed steel and brought on the youngsters. Sad to see him go, but Psycho obviously thought he was over the hill.

Shaun Wright Phillips – I didn’t want him to go, the club didn’t want him to go, and by all accounts he didn’t want to go either. Whatever happened, whether it was the lure of big money or the words of his advisors, he went. In my opinion he was one of the best footballers to pull on a city shirt, but I think £21m will come in handy.

Jon Macken – He wasn’t up to the job of premiership striker. I think we paid way over the odds for a player who was at best a first division striker. He will be fondly remembered for his winning goal in the league cup against Spurs, three nowt down and came back to win four three. Palace will get better value from him than we did.

Kevin Stuhr-Ellegaard – Kevin who ? His stats for the season had a zero against each column. His move to German football has eased our wage bill, besides we have four keepers.

Christian Negouai – The big man has finally fucked off, and who’s the lucky team ? Standard Liege. I’m sure on the occasions that he does play for them, their disciplinary record will plummet to levels unheard of this side of the Vinny Jones era.

That takes care of the dead wood, what about the new faces ?

Andrew Cole – Fulham let him go for nowt so I suppose it’s good business, but I admit to having reservations about signing an ex rag. However, with a couple of friendlies under his belt he seems genuinely pleased to be a City player. Couple that with a couple of goals and you have a potential fans favourite. I’m sure he will pass on some of his experience to the likes of Bradley Wright Phillips and Ishmael Miller.

Darius Vassell – I was shocked to find out that the ex England player is only 25. I think we got him cheap, he’s fast and has an eye for goal, scoring one goal already in a pre season friendly. I think he will link up well with Cole and give us some much needed speed that we have been missing since Le Sulk fucked off to Turkey.

There has been a host of other names linked with a move to Eastlands, most notably Steed Malbranque. The Fulham midfielder has stated that he wanted to stay in London and would only move “up north” for champions league football, he is then alleged to have stated a preference for Newcastle over City. So he must really like playing for poorly supported mid table shite then. Fuck him, we can do better.